Wednesday, July 01, 2009

5 Easy Steps To Prevent Heartbreak

No one ever tells you the secrets to life. The only thing you're given to succeed is a little bit of knowledge, a good luck and a swift kick in the butt forward. Well here is my advice to you, son. It may not be very accurate, shit it may not even be great advice. But it's the advice i've got to give and that's gotta be good for something.

See i'm no mother, no preacher, no scholar. No, i'm just a girl with her own two feet, two hands, and one broken heart. Don't feel sorry for me. I don't. Yea it's broken, but i've learned my lesson. So I guess it's contradicting to tell you how not to have your heartbroken.

But if you're anything like me then you have to know...because you just have to.....

In my opinion 5 Easy Steps to Prevent Heartbreak:

1. Don't own a heart.
-if you don't have one you can't break it.
2. Don't care.
-people who care about anything always get heartbroken. so FYI just dont give a shit. it works wonders.
3.Make no friends.
-dont talk to people unless they're in your way.
then by all means go ahead and quote that song and say
4.Never Trust ANYONE!
-even if theyre telling you the stove is hot, or your pants are on fire. find out for yourself. if you are seeing someone (god bless you if you are) and they say they're sick in bed. go and make sure. cause you dont wanna be R. Kelly in the closet.
5.(and this is important and may be the hardest rule to follow)
-trust me this will save you A LOT of time and money
you wont have to get tested, or worry about calling, no wasting money on condoms, or birth control, or wondering how big of the slut the chik is, or crying later cause it was soooo bad you couldve done a better job with a number 2 pencil. If you do however feel the urge to stick it or be stuck......Dildo and Blow Up dolls, try it. let me know how it goes.

There is one that I didn't mention but I would think it goes without saying...

Don't fall. Fall in love, like or lust. Avoid the three L's. BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY.

What's the saying "It's better to love and lost than never to have loved at all." In other words BULLSHIT.

Who needs love or anything like it. Certainly not I AND certainly NOT you.

Trust me, you're not missing out on much.
Who cares about having:
- someone to hold you're hair back when you're puking,
- someone to hold you when you're scared
- someone to kiss for no reason at all but just to kiss
- someone to laugh with you
- someone to talk to about cheese and how much you love cheese
- someone to fight about who can kick whose ass in Nintendo Wii
- someone to talk to about hangnails, and the ingorwn hair on their leg
- someone to.....well you get the point.

In conclusion (this means this is the ending)
Be a loner. More like a robot, less like a human. Thank you and good night.

- lola besott

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